Forlorn- A dark pit of hopelessness

Kealeboga Ngwigwa | Tuesday December 19, 2023 07:38

He is qualified as a Economist. He get jobs that he is even over qualified to do. My brother has spent most of his time applying for a job after another and he was very consistent at it. He had big dreams about what he will accomplish when he earns his opportunity one day.

We will all gather as a family and he will start telling very funny tales about his future lifestyle. The cars, houses, business investments, the type of girl he will get married to, there was just a lot he would envision. I write to you because I have noticed that the fire that was burning in him has dimmed.

He looks so hopeless. It is evident that he is depressed and very isolated. He is hard to get through and he has started drinking heavily which concerns my mother a lot. She is the only parent left after my father deceased before witnessing the greatness his son aspired for him.

I do not want to lose my mother due to the condition of my brother. So, I wish I could help him to push himself from the pit he has put himself into to be the bubbly and ambitious person we know him to be. Please Coach, be of assistance to remedy this situation.

How should we go about it? Yours, Anonymous Dear Anonymous, It is a very sad situation that both you and brother are going through. He has geared into a forlorn state and it is possible to extract him from it. I want you to know that he is as fragile as a glass and must be handled delicately.

Forlorn darkens the dreams, passion and the entire being of a man. It totally locks thoughts of “it is impossible to achieve something”. They forgo indulging in the effort, energy and personal goals. What if, he is meant to be an employer rather than an employee? Think about it.

Now, be as meek and give him a laudable speech to try show him that he is still worthy and you still believe in him and his stories. The positive affirmations will give him the strength to leap back in his bubbly character suit. Help him to set realistic goals about his ambitions and support him in every way you possibly can; mentally, spiritually and/ or physically. He is just asleep, just awake the giant gently and he will rise dominant. It does not matter how many times we keep throwing that shot and we miss, we just have to keep in throwing until we hit the goal. Those that give up do not learn anything from each failed attempt whilst those that emerge victorious, learn from every mistake and strive to do better on their next shot. Hope is free. #ColoringSouls

Dear Coach, I am widowed husband with two sons aged nine (9) and three (3). My wife passed on when we were only eight (8) years in wedlock and it was due to lung cancer. It is funny because she was not even a smoker! Just saying. It has been two (2) year since her passing. I feel so bereft after her death because I feel that she did not deserve that. She was the kindest and loving person I knew under the sun, even to strange people she interacted with. I saw her suffer on her sick berth and I was absolutely powerless to save her nor the qualified doctors that attended to her. I just hate the world and life right now. I cannot imagine having another woman after her because I do not want to ever undergo the pain of losing your loved one.

Moreover, I feel like I am betraying her and the vows we made to each other. I am so locked up in this dark room inside my soul and I am suffocating from hopelessness. My bones chuckles out of anxiety and fatigue. I am tired of living like this. It has been tough and I really want to break free from this bandage. Help me out Coach. Yours, Anonymous Dear Anonymous, I am sorry about the loss of your wife, my sincerest condolences. Death is unpredictable and it visits anyone according to will of God.

We do not have control over it and it is a rite of passage for every living thing. I have learnt that, out of death, there is promotion and hope that God indeed touches our lives. We never want to believe this as people but it is what it is. The dead cannot be seen, heard nor touched, they simply vanish the phase of earth. How one dies should not be in question because it is always mystery. For example, lung cancer can be caused by pollution in the air, not just smoking. It is time to accept the loss and move on with life.

I understand that vows succumb when death hit the shaft. Your journey with her has ended, you out to open another chapter of your life. Hope will give the chapter drive and enthusiasm to identify new beauties life must offer you. Only you can limit yourself, no-one else. Rise, Bath, smell nice and hit town, there are many flower that needs watering, besides, the boys need a mother figure. All the best Mate. #ColoringSouls Kealeboga Ronald Ngwigwa is the Founder and Director of Coloring Souls Coaching. A Training Consultancy advocating for MIND-SETCHANGE. It is accredited by BQA and HRDC. For team building exercise bookings contact +267 72 522 213/ +267 71 830 584 or email krcoloringsouls@gmail.com for quotations.