Revealed: The dark world of male, female sex work
Baboki Kayawe | Friday September 1, 2017 14:21
Voices of experience argue for removing homosexuality and sex work from the shadows of criminality as a way of promoting the rights of these populations and de-stigmatising access to health care services. This, the voices say, is essential if Botswana is to achieve the much-desired goal of zero new HIV infections.
In a packed conference room in Gaborone this week, male and female sex workers stepped out of the shadows, guided by their lobbyists, and revealed their faces, their stories, their pain and their pleas. Keeping sex work illegal under the law, they say, is penalising their very existence, while their clients, some of them violent, are walking in broad daylight enjoying the services under cover of night.
Although some opted to identify themselves, Mmegi is assigning all sex workers pseudonyms as it could not be ascertained by press time whether they wished to be identified outside of the conference room.
Gabriello* is a gay man who is currently studying at one of Gaborone’s tertiary institutions. He says the cost of living far exceeds the meagre P1,400 that government credits monthly for his sustenance. This, together with the pressure to “afford” a flashy lifestyle characterised by weekend outings, pushed him to render sexual services mainly to married men, in order to supplement his allowance.
“Married men are the highest paying clients. They are called the ‘After 9s’ because they seek services around that time. As much as they pay well, they put us under risk because if you aren’t carrying a condom at the time the client demands sex, the After 9’s are known to force you into unprotected sex,” he says.
Gabriello says when caught unprepared, he succumbs to unprotected sex because he cannot afford to lose the client. This exposes Gabriello and a chain of others to the risks of contracting sexually transmitted infections and the dreaded HIV.
Despite initially explaining how the need to keep up his lifestyle led him to male sex work, Gabriello wants it known that money did not make him a member of the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Intersex and Asexual (LGBTIA) community.
“I don’t do it for money. I believe in love, and that one has to have somebody they love. But due to life’s hardships and the fact that these are financially powerful men willing to pay handsomely, I offer my services to them. We are helping each other.”
Though commercial gains always trump health considerations whenever servicing the “After 9s”, Gabriello pays the price whenever he needs to access health services, especially from public facilities.
“Whenever a LGBTIA person seeks health care services they are preached to, and told it’s unnatural for a man to indulge in sexual activities with another man,” he says.
“Couple testing in government facilities is a tough task.”
Gabriello says discrimination of all sorts is rampant; many LGBTIA people have been chased away by family and critical societal institutions such as the church.
“I for one was chased from church as the leadership used their own understanding of the Word to discriminate against me. For me, though I am different from what the society expects me to be, I know that God loves me the way I am,” he says.
Peers introduced Naledi* (37 years) from Old Naledi in Gaborone to sex work 15 years ago. She says as a young girl brought up by a single father, life was tough and she came to view sex work as an easy way out of the pangs of poverty.
Her father never realised the kind of work she did. In some instances the old man even chased away Naledi’s clients unknowingly.
“Life was really tough, we had nothing at home. So I used the proceeds from sex work to put food on the table,” she says.
The job, she found out, was difficult and full of discrimination. The worst moment in her line of duty was when she was left naked in the bush.
“A client took me to the bush somewhere near Mmokolodi, and after I had rendered my services, he refused to pay me and fled with all of my clothes. I was very hurt. I had to ashamedly find a way to go to nearby households and get help,” she says.
Naledi says some clients force them to shower after sexual acts in order to eliminate evidence of intercourse, but afterwards refuse to pay the agreed fee. She and others serve all kinds of people including men of the cloth, she claims.
“We have clients from the church as well and this kind gets very angry if they call on us and we don’t answer. They really never try to convert anyone, but while we are with them we overhear conversations in which they address those who have called as ‘men of God’. All they want is sex,” she says. She says sex work is work, and it has rescued her from the jaws of poverty despite the challenges it presents.
“I have managed to build myself a two-bedroomed house, electrified, and I provide for my family,” she says.
Another sex worker from Gaborone, a mother of three says she has been in sex work for a decade now. She was forced to leave school due to teenage pregnancy and as she had no means to fend for her child, she resorted to sex work.
“I had dreams to pursue auto-mechanics, but the situation at home didn’t permit me to go back to school after the pregnancy. I therefore got stuck in sex work.”
In a good month, she makes around P5,000.
“I can provide for my children, I am the breadwinner. My boyfriend of 17 years is suspicious, but he has never really found out what my source of income is. He beats me everyday demanding that I disclose my source of income, but I have never told him the truth.”
Tshiamo says the society must refrain from discriminating against sex work. The Palapye based woman says the profession is not as “dirty”, as perceived.
“It is sad that we have high profile people as clients but the same people appear on television claiming to be anti- sex work. They pay us but they are in denial at the same time.”
According to Tshiamo, the law is one sided and unhelpful because those at the receiving end are not regarded as part of the ‘offence’ committed, she says.
“There is bias in that the police harass and detain us alone, but those who ‘buy’ from us are not taken to task. Why is that so and for how long shall they remain in the shadow?” she asks.
She continues: “Ha motho a utsule leruo, kgomo eo kana eng hela se se utsulweng se tisiwa e le bosupi ha pele ga lekgota- jaanong rona ba ba re rekang ke eng ba sa te le bosupi ja molato o re o dirileng, bosupi bo kae?”
Tshiamo, who is 45-years-old, says sex work is the only way to put food on the table she has ever known since her youth. She charges P150 for “short time”.
“Short time is just around six minutes, enough for a client to reach the climax. As an experienced sex worker, I have mastered the art of making one reach that point in six minutes. I charge P150 for short time, and P250 for the whole night, but there are extra charges if the customer wants additional sex acts.”
All this talk happens as Apostle Godknows Ruby, watches on. As part of the dialogue, Ruby of Christ Centred Life Ministries had an opportunity address the room.
According to Ruby, male and female sex work is driven by the worship of money and material things, while lobbyists are driven by the mandates of international donors. For Ruby, sex workers are “lost souls” who need to be helped back home.
“These people are worshipping money, they provide services they render for money.”
“The Church has a role to play in rescuing the lost souls.
“There are alternatives to putting bread on the table as opposed to sex work. We have poverty alleviation programmes such as Ipelegeng.
“Practices such as sex work are disheartening as women are used as commodities. They are not respected, have no integrity and are relegated to being second-class citizens.
“We need to give these people support and speak to their spirituality in order for them to heal because if a person is hurt money won’t heal them,” he adds.
For lobbyists such as BONELA’s Cindy Kelemi, the way forward is to decriminalise sex work in order to enable service providers and customers to engage in a “safe space” where discrimination and stigma are eliminated. “Decriminalising would improve their conditions and provide safe spaces where they can easily seek and access health care services as well as access the right to health care.”
“At the moment, men who have sex with other men do it undercover, and this exposes their spouses to risks.
If laws that criminalise these acts are not removed, getting to zero new HIV infections and the 90-90-90 strategy will remain a dream,” she says.
Other human rights advocates, such as lawyer Uyapo Ndadi, believe a solution will only be found in a constitutional challenge.
Whatever the way forward, for now the sex workers have retreated back into the shadow, where they continue to ply their trade with their two-faced clients, while the rest of society looks away and pretends not to notice.