Small Things Make Big Differences

Ashley Thaba | Tuesday August 31, 2021 10:36

We wouldn’t have corruption because people would think “what if I was supposed to get a tender because I worked hard but someone came in front of me that paid off someone or just knew friends in high places?” No one would like that, so no one would do that to others.

We wouldn’t have criminals breaking into our homes. No one wants a criminal to break into their homes so no one would do that. We wouldn’t have bullies because no one likes to be bullied. We wouldn’t have atrocious customer service when we walk into businesses because no one likes to be treated like dirt from a company they are trying to actually pay money to support! We wouldn’t.... the list could go on and on!

Yet, we know that all of these things and many more awful things occur every day because it is RARE for a person to treat others the way they want to be treated. Why? The solution is simple yet difficult. Let me speak about the theology first and then address the practical aspect.

For the theological perspective, let me speak on a personal basis. Many years ago I decided I trust God with my life more than myself. I decided to surrender my life and follow Jesus. I invited His Spirit to come live inside of me and gave Him permission to guide me every day in every decision. Many times I can feel that quiet voice inside of me saying to be kind to others.

Many times, His Holy Spirit literally gives me peace and love in a situation where the person does not even deserve that. That is when I know it is literally a gift of the Spirit because my natural flesh reaction would be to lash out. And sometimes, of course, even when I hear that still small voice saying “Choose love. Don’t lose your temper.” I say “I know what I SHOULD do and I do what I WANT To do...” and 99% of the time when I veer off the path God is guiding me on, I end up doing something I am embarrassed of later. That is the spiritual side of this issue.

Now, let’s address the practical. It can be summed up in one word: empathy! We lack it! Empathy is described as the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. Our nature is one which is naturally quite selfish so to have the ability to share the feelings of another is to think about that person instead of yourself. This is a tall order BUT it is one that we can be intentional about building in our children! And we SHOULD be intentional about building! It is a characteristic worth putting some energy into cultivating in your child.

Let me give some practical ways how you can do this. First and foremost, you can model it! Speak to your children about why you chose to act a certain way because you were thinking of the other person. The lady at the grocery store is rude and you respond with kindness. After she walks off, you turn to your children, “Did you see how she wasn’t very nice? Maybe she has had a really hard day. Maybe she hasn’t sat down all day and she is tired. That is why we are going to be nice even though she was mean.”

Another example could be when you are waiting at a traffic robot. Many people are cutting the queue and it is making everyone wait even longer. Your child says “dad, just cut the queue! Everyone else is doing it!” You respond, “If we all did that, there would be car accidents. If we were next in line having waited our turn, we wouldn’t want others to cut us so we will wait and treat others the way we want to be treated. We won’t act like we are the only ones in a hurry.”

Let me share an example our family has sadly been doing way too much of lately. Tragically, we keep getting news of more and more deaths. So we ask our children what we can do to make them feel better. Sometimes we leave a voice note with a prayer. Other times, we cook a meal and take it to them because we think if it were us and someone close had died we wouldn’t want to cook a meal as we deal with mourning. Recently, my girls, with no help from me, decided to bake cupcakes and write a card to a friend who recently lost her husband. You can see these cards as I took a picture on my Facebook page: Talking with the Thabas. It was very cute and my friend, a new widow now, says every day she finds such joy looking at those cards. Such a small thing to do but it made a big impact. Let me challenge you to discuss with your children today what can you do as a family to make someone around you feel a little better?

Ashley Thaba is a popular motivational speaker, family building facilitator, author and Producer of the hit TV show, Talking with the Thabas, which has strengthened thousands of marriages and helped countless families become stronger. Learn more about her work at www.ashleythaba.com or view her work on her YouTube channel: Ashley Thaba. You can buy three of her books: Dive In, Making Marriages Fun, and Conquering the Giants on her website. Email her at askthaba@gmail.com or follow her on Facebook: Talking with the Thabas.