What is narcissim and what causes it?

Gaone Monau | Tuesday February 8, 2022 06:00

Dear Anonymous As espoused in my previous articles emotional abuse is a form of abuse that is recognised under the Domestic Violence Act Cap 28:05. The said Act however implicitly acknowledges narcissism, it does not explicitly enunciate on narcissism. A narcissist is someone who has been diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Narcissists may either be covert or overt. Narcissistic personality disorder is one of several types of personality disorders - it’s a mental condition in which people have an exaggerated sense of importance, a bottomless need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships and a lack of empathy for others.

It is noteworthy to mention that we may occasionally exude one or a few qualities of a narcissist. However, that does not make us narcissists. A narcissist is someone who radiates the narcissistic qualities described herein on a frequent basis. There are many theories that purport to explain how narcissists got into being. For purposes of this article we will focus on three of such theories namely; the grandiose narcissist, vulnerable narcissist and the narcissist by birth. The grandiose narcissist is the narcissist who came into being as a result of being given too much love and affection when they were growing up with little to no respect for boundaries, in a layman’s terms, we may call them ‘an extremely spoilt child’. The vulnerable narcissist is the narcissist that became due to child neglect when they were raised.

The narcissist by birth is the narcissist who inherited narcissism from his/her parents.

The real self of the narccisist has been abandoned and feels dead on the inside which is why they present their false self to the public. For a narcissist, relationships are not meant to share their lives with others. They rather objectify people in their relationships to and use them to get narcissistic supply. It is narcissistic supply that helps the narcisist to help to feel alive on the inside. Without narcisistic supply the narcissist is vulnerable and lives in an empty shell. It is vital to mention by virtue of being human we all energised by social interactions (in differing proportions), but the narcissist’s need for social interaction is not driven by the natural need for human interactions.

It is inspired by the longing to enliven the deadness they constantly feel on the inside through relationships.

The more charming and likeable narcissists usually have many harems. A harem is a group of people they perpetually present their bogus self to and use for narcissistic supply. Additionally they use the harem to triangulate their partners or whoever they deem as a threat to their interests. Sometimes a narcissist may be kind to you in person whereas his/her friends or closest ones would be exuding negative vibes and snide remarks towards you whenever you interact with them. This would be because the narcissist intentionally smeared your reputation to their harem and therefore uses their harem to fight their personal battles against you. Narcissists have no real empathy for others. Whenever, they show empathy it is usually done with ulterior motives or just to protect their false image to the world.

Narcissism is one of the main causes of crime - a narcissist can continually steal, rape or murder (even if they are never discovered or convicted) without any puncture or prick in their conscience. Since narcissists have no empathy for others and they in the habit of wilfully and consciously provoking others. This may be done through malicious jokes, covert or overt sarcastic remarks. Whlist an average person loves peace and is drained by relentless conflicts, narcissists are energised by endless arguments.

They detest peace and boundaries. They savour the moment whenever they provoke others and watch them react. If a victim of their provocation chooses to respond and not react to their provocation, the narcissist’s ego is left deflated. Narcissists feel powerful and gain a sense of superiority from provoking others and having them react. When casualties of their vexation react and complain, the narcissist would be quick to victimise themselves (whilst secretly rejoicing that they got their victim in the palm of their hand now) and declare that their victim is too sensitive, insecure and uptight. They are master gas lighters and manipulators.

• Gaone Monau is an attorney and Motivational speaker on the areas of confidence building, stress management, relationships, self-discovery and gender-based violence. For bookings, motivational talks, questions or comments on the aforesaid areas contact +26774542732 or laboutit22@gmail.com. Her Facebook page is Be Motivated with Gaone.