Speak up or fade away

Kevin Mokento | Monday February 21, 2022 06:00

True, not all of us are sanctuaries of gallantry and confidence, but the sooner we appreciate that the worst thing we could ever lose is not our eye, or our hand, or our foot, but our voice, the better for all!

The incontrovertible truth is, each one of us is important, and for this reason, we do not always need validation from our peers, or any person, whether perceived superior or inferior. While we recognise that the law of averages suggests that the more people speak up, the greater their chances of being heard, that should not detract from the truth that a solitary voice might be as important as many expressed views! Our existence matters and will always matter. Our considered opinions matter and will always matter.

I would never forget the first time I was brutally abused by a teacher. At the tender age of 16, together with two of my classmates, we were subjected to the most extreme physical torture I had ever seen meted out by a teacher to his students. I must admit; we had failed to do something that was important to our agriculture teacher. He had instructed us to feed chickens on a weekend, and being day students, we all forgot to do as duly instructed. After all, weekends offered us an opportunity to chill away from a school environment.

Come Monday morning, the clearly irate teacher, whose lips were quivering non-stop, started beating my classmates. And what a walloping shock it was! He gave them the slave-lashes, 39 in total.

Thirteen on either hand and another 13 on the bum. Instead of screaming or fleeing the classroom to seek help from the headmaster or other teachers, even though I knew my turn was coming, I stood there in complicit silence, as if I were watching a weird movie, docile and frightened. Of course, my turn came, and I must fess up, 37 years later, much as I know the right thing to do, I’m still stoking the embers of resentment towards the said teacher, hopelessly struggling to forgive him! Had I courageously shattered the cocoon I was enveloped in, I would have saved at least two of us from an evil and humiliating chastisement. Does this strike a chord with you? By the way, the chickens did not die! Highlighting the importance of finding our voice, in a speech delivered in the late 1960s at the height of the civil rights movement in the US, Martin Luther King Jr., considered by many as a logician extraordinaire, uttered this profound statement, “We will remember, not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.” These words advocate for self-confidence and assertiveness, and speak against passiveness, diffidence, and the fear of upsetting the applecart of the strongly entrenched culture of abuse and intimidation common at various societal levels, which could lead to exclusion or rejection of ourselves and our compatriots.

Incidentally, the Constitution of Botswana grants important liberties to people living in the shores of our country and specifically confers on all, the inalienable right to speak up without fear, “Except with his or her own consent, no person shall be hindered in the enjoyment of his or her freedom of expression, that is to say, freedom to hold opinions without interference, freedom to receive ideas and information without interference, freedom to communicate ideas and information without interference (whether the communication be to the public generally or to any person or class of persons) and freedom from interference with his or her correspondence.” The constitution further guarantees judicial protection to anyone who might be at the receiving end of the flouting of this constitutional right. What does this mean for you and me? That we should find our voice and freely air our views. Of course in so doing, we should not forget that along with rights come certain responsibilities. I like the statement that was uttered by a former justice of the Supreme Court of the US, Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr., “Your right to swing your arm leaves off where my right not to have my nose struck begins.” In essence, closely linked to all rights are venerable responsibilities, which must be observed by all. Although what we say might be of utmost importance, it would be foolish to downplay the importance of how we say it.

It is for this reason that a cordon blue chef, whose primary interest is to serve you that flavoursome and delectable meal, does not only pull together well-nourishing ingredients, but would also, with culinary finesse pay particular attention to their quantities and when and how he would throw them into the cooking pot. Astutely taking a cue from that well-rounded chef, we will choose the right words to articulate our views without watering the value of our input. This has absolutely nothing to do with fear. We do not always need to strip others of their wings of dignity in an attempt to convince, persuade or put across a solid and crystal-clear point. In the same vein, we cannot afford to transform ourselves into winsome and cowering serfs, ever cheerful and placatory, even in the face of unacceptable conduct. And we do not need to allow toxicity to sour and fester up before we act. That’s what self-respect and emotional maturity is all about. In a family setting, without sinking to the offensive depths of cavilling, let’s have the courage to speak up without fear, but doing so with respect. In all candour, if we are not happy about the conduct of our spouse, let’s speak up before our marriage hits the unsalvageable turn. If we are not happy with her choice of friends, without necessarily being unreasonably prescriptive, let’s voice our concern. If we are not happy with the way he rocks up late at home, in most cases inebriated and blatantly uncouth, let’s engage him.

If we are rightly concerned by his outright sloppiness or her downright laziness, let’s meaningfully chew the rag with our mate. If she takes us for granted and repeatedly denies us our conjugal rights, let’s express our genuine concerns and encourage her to review her attitude. If his sense of hygiene is less than desirable, without mincing our words, let’s stay clear of the hyperemotional lane and get our heads together. Let’s not fall into the nonsensical trap of thinking that our mate can read our mind, nothing can be further from the truth. Rather than resort to intermittent moody moments or frequent periods of silent treatment, let’s have the decency to engage in a profitable tête-à-tête with the offending party with a view, not to individually emerge holy and victorious, but to collectively mend and strengthen our bond.

At work, keen to nourish their unbridled egos while decidedly famishing their sense of moral integrity, with their hard-line bossy attitude of ‘my way or the highway,’ senior officers can be intimidating and might kill the spirit of innovation and creativity. Furthermore, placed on a pedestal, over-excitable colleagues who are labelled highflyers are often overwhelmed by the implacable desire to steal a march on their less recognised colleagues. Yielding to their overhyped and misplaced sense of self-importance, they might insist on their views and browbeat the rest of staff into shying away from airing their opinions. That is unacceptable.

Even a person endowed with a second-rate intellect should be able to tell that such attitudes are destructive to the spirit of collegiality and teamwork and have no place in decent places of work. The same principles can be extended to other organs vested with a lot of clout, but with the tendency to shred their reputation by wearing a hood disposition as a badge of pride. May we always serve as passionate champions of freedom of expression, ever careful never to drop our integrity bar by allowing ourselves to be rendered mute due to intimidation or our desire to avoid hostility. Hard as it might be, let’s make it a practice to speak up, lest we fade away.