Of floods, collapsing bridges and suave suits

Thulaganyo Jankey | Tuesday November 15, 2022 06:00

• There is no need to panic.

• We could all be killed. It is vitally important that one keeps abreast of the situation by turning on their television and watching TV reporters in rain slickers stand right next to a flood plain and telling you over and over how vitally important it is for everybody to stay the hell away from flood plains. Journalists are equipped with tonnes of bravery garnered from their training in Bravery Basics class.

It is not uncommon to see a reporter in a war zone cautioning people to stay away from there because they could come down with a severe case of death. And he’d be ducking bullets and grenades at the same time just to bring you the scoop.

Yes, we do now have floods here but not really to the extent where you could be stranded on the roof of your house and all the neighbourhood pitbulls are furiously paddling your way. But it could well get to that point.

The rains are not letting up and in the process are challenging the integrity and competence of our engineers, inspectors and workmen most of whom are now on the brink of achieving infamy. The highlight of the floods - if there is anything like that - was the collapse of the latest construction masterpiece, The Boatle Interchange. In Africa a bridge like that is considered a masterpiece because we don’t seem capable to architect buildings with swirling columns that look like they have been twisted around their axis like the ones you find in Dubai. The Permanent Secretary (PS) managed to sufficiently rile up the people of the Republic when he said ‘Structurally, the bridge is safe.

However, we have decided to close the southbound on the dual carriageway which means motorists from Gaborone to Lobatse can use the upper lanes,” How can he even say that? Such contradictory statements are stuff for deceptive politicians meant for the gullible voters. The PS is suspiciously taking baby steps to a political career. Obviously one of the first persons on the scene is a minister. It should be the minister. In fact, one half-expected the minister to have arrived before the day. Okay I am joking but you get the point.

The minister was there in a well-cut Italian suit – a suit significantly more prestigious than the ones he usually wears in Parliament and clearly showed he took this crisis very seriously. There was a huge argument on social media about the origin of the suit. Anybody who features on social media pages is fodder for the evil heads on social media and it didn’t take long for them to digitally frame the minister.

They basically had the minister and his suit for breakfast, brunch, lunch and dinner. There was a suggestion that the suit was tailored by one of the local seamstresses – the one who took a few hours to sew a dress for a South African celebrity who had kept a whole audience waiting as they were piecing her outfit together. Some said it was procured from a Chinese shop.

Now people don’t like others saying their suits were procured from Chinese shops because that usually implies budgets tighter than a mosquito’s rear exit. What should have been a status-affirming suit was relegated to a low budget outfit as the suit took precedence over the real issue. I thought the minister looked very suave in the suit and was pleasantly surprised at his taste.

At this point I need to make a disclaimer that I have zero political ambitions and am not in any way trying to score some brownie points with the minister. Basically the minister is usually there to prove that the government takes the issues seriously and make menacing statements like ‘Heads will roll’. This is very good PR and if the minister does not say this in his statement he will jeopardise his party’s chance in the subsequent elections.

However, heads never actually roll. Sigh! If their bark was as good as their bite the Gamodubu Landfill will be choking from the sheer amount of rolled heads from failed projects. Let’s see, there will be rolled heads from the erratic Morupule B, a bunch of rolled heads from the Palapye Glass Project and a heap of heads from the stuttering Milk Project in Lobatse that keeps coughing and spluttering without starting like a Mogoditshane imported vehicle.

The contractors are scheduled to redo the job and ensure this time the sides of the bridge will hold in a very interesting move to give them a chance to be repeat offenders. That is according to the cynics! (For comments, feedback and insults email inkspills1969@gmail.com) *Thulaganyo Jankey is a training consultant who runs his own training consultancy that provides training in BQA- accredited courses. His other services include registering consultancies with BQA and developing training courses. Contact him on 74447920 or email ultimaxtraining@gmail.com.