Relationships- The Fins Of Our Existence

Kealeboga Ngwigwa | Tuesday November 22, 2022 06:00

Dear Anonymous, It is not a secret that we are all not so perfect thus we are bound to commit mistakes or rub each other the wrong way. This is one fact we ought to embrace and cherish the most.

Mistakes are not budgeted for and occur unbudgeted. We must therefore open a room in our hearts to cater for moments like that and be mindful that we are not the mistake we commit. Of course, they yield so much pain to the offended but it can be accommodated. The question is, if you hurt another person, don’t you feel that you are worth being forgiven? We all feel that way, now then, if you do, why can’t you reciprocate? Forgiveness ensures continuity and gives a relationship an element of growth.

If we make it a culture to forgive each other, we are basically opening a room for understanding each other. It’s a pity that your partner does not forgive easily. She must do away with her ego because it is what makes forgiveness so expensive to access. When people resist to let go of the past, it is at times an issue of insufficient love and do not push too much. Give her space and only time will tell. #ColoringSouls

Dear Coach, I am a young man in my mid 20’s and I have a desire to get married to my long time sweetheart. I wish to know when is the right time and I do not know if I am ready or not. I have a lot of pressure also from my parents that I am aging and I need to start my family very soon. They said they want to witness the auspicious day before they relocate from planet earth. They are willing to pay for my lobola, that is, if I do not have the money. I am not confident about this entire idea. What is the best advise you could give to anyone in my situation? Yours, Anonymous

Dear Anonymous, I can feel the pressure you are talking about. It makes our parents to be proud and highly esteemed when we fulfill the voluntary rite of passage - marriage.

They get a sense of satisfied actualisation since it would pronounce and attest to a well grooming process and procedure. On the other hand, their plans are not their children’s plans. Marriage is a beautiful thing to experience but has its own challenges that demand some level of discipline, focus and/or maturity. Your mind, spirit and body must be in sync with the thought of marriage. Moreover, you must be friends before anything else, that is, being open, transparent and establish a strong sense of connection. If you do not have all of those aspects, do not get married as yet. Friendship is like a sail that holds a ship, even in meandering storms, it holds your union together hence refrains the ship from sinking. Everything that you or your partner likes and/or dislikes must be crystal clear and embraced by you both. This means you must tailor-make your own culture and adhere to it at all times. In love, you give but if you are not ready to sacrifice yourself for your partner, do not attempt the institution. Lastly, marriage is for the two of you therefore make it for the two of you rather than appeasing the masses. #ColoringSouls

Hello Kealeboga. I have friends from tertiary school who are really close to my heart. Back when we were schooling we did everything together. Now that we’ve grown up, life has changed all of us. I feel like I can’t relate with them anymore because I’ve changed a lot since then. I’m not interested in going out, having parties and that night life but they’re still the same people they were back then. They keep trying to revive the relationship but I show no interest every time although I feel horrible because we come from way back. My problem is, I can’t fit them into my new life. How should I deal with the fact that they still call and try to meet up while I’m not interested in those things anymore? Yours, Anonymous

Dear Anonymous, As we grow up, we get to figure out what defines and gives us peace. It is not a wrong thing to over- grow some habits or events we indulge in. Life evolves and most of the time what we appreciate demands that we forgo certain things in order to experience the utmost of that which we aspire to be, in your case, it is your friends. You no longer see things the same.

Birds of identical creation habitually congregate unitedly. It is important to surround yourself with people who will enhance and support your course. Allow them to call and try to explain to them what you believe in, in a meek fashion. The truth always sets us free. Do not force yourself to be liked and try fit in a certain lifestyle. Trust me, there are so many people you could befriend who enjoy a space of their own and don’t wallow in the night life. It doesn’t matter how long you may have known someone, if they do not edify your life, chuck them out. #ColoringSouls

Kealeboga Ronald Ngwigwa is a Life Coach, Author, Columnist, Team Builder and an Events Director who believes that emotions build an attitude which ultimately builds one’s character. Forward your enquiries to krcoloringsouls@gmail.com or WhatsApp +26772522213 for advices.