Who teaches politicians to lie

Thulaganyo Jankey | Tuesday February 7, 2023 16:44

The official reasons why I was approached was because I had the interest of my people at heart and I looked the part.

This is not entirely true because I only have the interest of very few people (family members and my social club) at heart. When you are approached for political office it somehow confers the politician lying molecules in you.

I too on-boarded the Lie Train and started an incoherent rant about how my people have been shortchanged by the previous leaders and how the incumbent party will be on a chariot to hell when judgement day finally happens.

I don’t know how I – a law-abiding citizen and a part-time Christian – decided to start lying too. I just couldn’t help it. I am not too sure about the latter reason – looking the part – but I am tempted to believe it was just another lie.

What the hell is looking the part. When politicians want to stand for political office they will always say something like ‘Batho ba re ke eme’ which actually means ‘People want me to stand for elections’. 95% of the time such politicians have their own personal and political ambitions to stand for elections but they would still want to claim they were prodded by the poor people.

It is a lie! When elections come there will be huge clots of people meeting in freedom squares to launch candidates. A freedom square is basically a lie sweatshop.

There you find men of integrity launching men of no integrity – some with integrity thinner than what is left of the tar on the Okavango highway – and basically lying to those who are there that the person is ‘their man’. One other reason I refused to even consider standing for elections is I feared they’d question my integrity and pull out a few skeletons - some even complete with a little bit of flesh - from my closet. I need not have worried though because the audience is exclusively gullibles and will cheer every lie that is ascribed to you.

It usually goes something like this: ‘This is your Moses’ the cheers will decibel to stadium mode. And the Moses would be someone who cannot walk for 40 hours - forget 40 years. ‘If you know Jonah who was swallowed by a whale and came back after a few days to his people. Your Jonah is back’ the cheers will decibel to tornado mode.

When you see the Jonah in question you start wondering why he did not stay inside the whale. Forever! And on and it will keep going until it gets to a point where the prospective candidate too wonders who they are really talking about.

You’d be forgiven to think this was an episode from The Amazing World of Liars. But no, this gets spewed by political leaders in a freedom square who are supposedly very eminent people every time. Will Rogers once said ‘Everything is changing.

People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke’. That Will Rogers should come here and see how we take both comedians and politicians seriously, lies and all. The vexing question is who teaches politicians to lie. Is there a college for politicians specifically offering Lying diplomas and degrees? You could have a perfectly honest truth-speaking person who immediately morphs into a liar as soon as you give him a microphone and usher him onto a stage. Politicians should basically have a warning like ‘Instant liar.

Just add a microphone’. One would have thought that as soon as they win elections they would somehow be taken into a lie detoxing programme and start behaving and talking like the honorable they now are. But we should not be disappointed. This is just how these things work around our shores. In the past week there has been rallies all over the country and you can be sure that the Lying File has been populated by some choice lies. (For comments, feedback and insults email inkspills1969@gmail.com) Thulaganyo Jankey is a training consultant who runs his own training consultancy that provides training in BQA- accredited courses. His other services include registering consultancies with BQA and developing training courses. Contact him on 74447920 or email ultimaxtraining@gmail.com.