Rusty Dusty Laptops from Across the Border

Thulaganyo Jankey | Tuesday April 18, 2023 06:00

I have been here on business for the past two days. I know many don't believe columnists are capable of doing business of any sort. Apparently all we do is write columns and cannot run a business to save our lives.

I must admit, however, that there's a modicum of truth in this. If you looking for evidence to buttress this you could well find it.

Just like if you are looking for evidence to refute it. I went into one of the shops to buy a laptop commensurate to the contents of my pocket. In English that means a cheap laptop that would cost around R5k. My business acumen had figured that if I had about P3.8k, I could afford a better gadget taking advantage of the pula-rand exchange rate.

If this doesn't debunk the myth that columnists have no business acumen, then pastors in this country will have a tough time convincing people of the second coming.

So I saunter into this computer outlet. Of course there's no way one can saunter into any shop when they are looking for bargains. So, yeah, it was more of an apologetic gingerly walk into the store.

Obviously one always looks for a modest-looking been-in-the-pits kind of salesman. The kind that seems like he's a brother from your hood who knows your story - yes the one that seems to have a series of troughs and perhaps one crest, which kind of resonates well with your life.

You also want to avoid the female ones because there's nothing as emasculating as admitting your budget is challenged to the female species. It is a man's thing even though most will not readily admit it.

Somehow I chose the wrong salesman. My shoe laces had been frayed by walking for too long without tying them - a feat that is becoming quite an effort due to a belly that keeps enlarging uncontrollably even when I swallow spit. So this tough salesman immediately boxed me into the financially-bewildered category. You can always tell from the body language.

In the end, we kind of agreed tongue-in-cheek that I am a poverty-stricken man who in the best interest of society shouldn't even be considering buying a laptop. My money should basically be saved for more pressing human needs like food, shelter and child maintenance. All properly trained sales personnel start off by asking what you are looking for and I responded 'something cheap and nice'.

You should have seen the horror in his face, like I had just been joined by the devil. He made it abundantly clear that cheap and nice do not go together. 'If you want cheap you cannot get nice.

If you want nice you cannot get cheap' was his advice. I then skipped to the more intelligent sounding technical requirements and started talking about RAMs and ROMs and processing speed. It wasn't a very advisable move because I pushed myself further into the sea when I failed to match the RAMs and ROMs with my budget.

I walked out of the store with a laptop, though, which I am not too sure will do the job. But I have learnt a very important lesson - never go to buy a laptop with funny and distressed shoelaces in Rustenburg.

They will only make you fodder for sales people. I don't know who will use this lesson in future but there are plenty of our people crossing into South Africa so perhaps this might come in handy.