Ascension Day

Thulaganyo Jankey | Tuesday May 23, 2023 06:00

But the significance of this day seems to be lost to most as a good part of the population seems intent on sinning as much as possible away from heaven.

And on this day, this very significant day in the Bible, most of us will patronise sin spots like bars, beer taverns and brothels to celebrate Jesus’ rise to heaven. The problem with this is you are not supposed to imbibe the holy (?) waters if you are intent on going to heaven. You really cannot have much beer if you are serious about your trip to heaven. This is like willingly stuffing your head into a wood chipper.

Imagine if you go to heaven and meet St Peter at the pearly gates stone drunk. How exactly are you going to answer the questions with a slurred speech and a mind that has been pushed into a vacation by alcohol? The Nasty Brigade, though, have the gall to blame new age pastors and claim their preaching is not threatening enough.

That is why a fully-marinated Christian can leave their house on a Christian holiday to go to church but they will somehow stray into a bar. These strange episodes are too commonplace and perhaps government should do something about it. Back in the day (which is generally accepted as the 80s), pastors preached fire and brimstone and could dribble Satan out of you faster than you could say hallelujah. We have a situation of pastors who now trade with nomenclature like prophet and evangelist who have shirked their responsibilities of sufficiently cowing people into putting more effort to go to heaven. They are now more concerned with preaching prosperity, miracle money and marriages.

A nasty friend once claimed most locals are not marriage material and so most of us go to churches to exorcise that and hope the prophet will turn us into marriage material. Has this worked? I have absolutely no idea but the latest statistics show busy High Courts trying to nullify marriages and decide who should get the car, house, children and dog.

At this rate most of our courts will have no space for trying criminals and the country will turn into a mini Wild Wild West. So a clarion call is being made by yours truly to prophets and evangelists to up their game a few decibels up. But you cannot blame pastors alone. Beer selling outlets are not making life easy for Christians walking a fine line between pleasures of the world and investing in that final trip to heaven.

There could well be something in that beer that makes people who a few hours earlier could only afford a P20 when the collection plate passed but at the beer joint are happy to loosen the purse strings and spend a few hundreds of pula to buy lots of beer for themselves and strange creatures. The question now is how did you spend your Ascension Day? Was it a trip to fun land or holy land? If it is the former, you need to rethink your life choices because you just might not be going to heaven. Fast! Devilville might just be beckoning.

(For comments, feedback and insults email inkspills1969@gmail.com) Thulaganyo Jankey is a training consultant who runs his own training consultancy that provides training in BQA- accredited courses. His other services include registering consultancies with BQA and developing training courses. Contact him on 74447920 or email ultimaxtraining@gmail.com.