Moron-metre Pushing Up

Thulaganyo Jankey | Tuesday July 25, 2023 06:00

For instance you can send a letter to someone in Timbuktu that they can receive instantly in real time. No grumpy, tired mailmen who sometimes don’t turn up for work but instead the sick note always shows up.

Sick notes are not known to deliver mail as everyone knows. Through the beautiful technology of GPS you can turn up at the doorstep of your heartthrob right in the labyrinth of the webby Johannesburg metropolis without asking for directions from a potential hijacker. These are good times in our lives. And it is going to get better. Bill Gates has promised it.

I trust him, I want to trust him. Of course coming from a black person this is stranger than BPF suspensions and counter-suspensions. Despite all these advances in technology it seems the moron-metre is ticking up.

Think about it. The amount of warning labels that are attached to stuff we get today are evidence that the moron-metre is almost nudging the red zone. 80% of the population is seemingly morons. Well this figure was arrived at not through conducting any cognitive tests but through asking a few of my friends and family whether they could arrest Putin if he turned up at Vee’s musical show.

The correct answer should be ‘no’ but 80% said ‘yes’. Ok so we are basically residing in Moronland if my research is anything to go by. In the 80s the vehicle manual would have something as useful as ‘how to change or set injectors’. Nowadays the manuals come with such ridiculous things like ‘do not drink the contents of the battery’.

On a little child’s romper I once found a warning that went something like ‘remember to remove child when washing’. Seems a few moronic parents have been feeding their poor romper-clad kids into the washing machine. I once bought a car through a vehicle financing institution which means an entanglement with a bank for possibly the rest of my life because you keep going back to them when the car you have gets old. I had just given another shark to sink its jaws on my measly salary.

To thank me for stuffing my head into a wood chipper they gave me a sun shield which is a mass of cardboard that you place over the dashboard to cover the windscreen and keep the sun out. On that sun shield was a little cautionary note that said ‘remember to remove before driving’. Read that again and if you think I have joined the moron bench go check yours and you will see I am not making this up. Only a moron will drive with that thing blocking their view and clearly they would not get very far. More often you hear people arguing about how television and internet can replace newspapers. We all know this is an assertion of an archetypal moron.

These modern advances can never replace newspapers as we all know. I mean who has ever swatted a fly with the internet or TV. Also how are people in the village expected to do a number 2 in the toilet without the right accessory like a newspaper. Whenever you go to a football match you find large groups of morons that specializes in using the word ‘boo’ to cow opponents into submission.

Boo doesn’t seem to be a clever word and is not even nasty enough to scare the opposing team. Most of us have friends capable of letting the boo word leave their vocal chords and this is why we have to question our choices.

Unless of course if we are morons too! (For comments, feedback and insults email inkspills1969@gmail.com) Thulaganyo Jankey is a training consultant who runs his own training consultancy that provides training in BQA- accredited courses. His other services include registering consultancies with BQA and developing training courses. Contact him on 74447920 or email ultimaxtraining@gmail.com.