Counselling - Breaking Up The Spell and Live Free

Kealeboga Ngwigwa | Tuesday September 19, 2023 06:00

During the first term school closure, I took them to visit their father and he bought them some cell phones as he had long promised. Troubles came along with the cell phone because she spends most of her time on it than her school books. She connects to so many people especially men and talks about adults things in her chats with them.

Apparently, there is a boy in my neighbourhood whom she is dating. The boy has really turned my daughter into a thorny child. She has totally lost her respect for me and the general public as she is seen kissing him in the streets. I have made attempts to meet with the boy's parents but my efforts run empty. They are not willing to come to the party due to that they are always drunk as they spend their day in a depot. My girl can abscond school and home for more than a week staying at the boy's house.

This really breaks my heart because I know my little girl has a bright future but to see her wasting it, kills me to the core. What should I do Coach to remedy this situation? Yours, Anonymous

Dear Anonymous, Puberty is the most challenging season for every individual, boy or girl and we all respond differently from one another. Some go through it smoothly while others have it the rough way like your daughter. I am so sorry that you are enduring such great pain and there seems to be no help at all. I urge you to take your daughter for counselling because sometimes this kind of behaviour is prompted by some past experiences, either first hand or secondary. One of the factors that might influence her interactions with men may be the fact that her father is not physically around hence she may be looking to fill up such a void.

Or maybe the group of people she hangs out with peer pressurise her to indulge in such a way. A Social Worker can establish the root cause of the problem. You must also reduce shouting at her or speak negative towards her so that you nurse her esteem and confidence that she is still mummy's angel. I would encourage you to also go to the community administrator's office to seek intervention between you and the boy's parents and address this matter. I doubt the police would do much since the two are both minors. I wish you the best in combating your problems. #ColoringSouls

Dear Coach, My son is hooked on drugs.

I have always suspected and indeed during the past weekend, I washed his clothes and found some sachets of 'Cat'. I have always heard from the grapevine that he is associated with such a lifestyle. I could not believe it at all because he is very well behaved when he is home. I tried to confront him about this matter and he responded aggressively saying that I am the reason why he is like that. He claims that the divorce with his father and I has really affected him. Nowadays, he can walk into the house and unplug any electrical device then sell it to finance his habits.

I always hide my wallet and handbag because he steals from them. I have tried to engage his father but the young boy sees him as nothing, he becomes a beast towards his father and it is really scaring me. He can't visit his cousins anymore because many things disappear and all fingers point at him. He causes me so much pain and shame. How did my little Prince become a beast? Do I really deserve to be in pain for the rest of my life? Is it okay to think that one day I will hear the police knocking on my door and report his death? I am so shuttered and I see no reason to live for all that I live for is slowly dying. Please help me out Coach. Your, Pinkie

Dear Pinkie, No one deserves to be in pain but of course pain is necessary. Without pain, there is no growth. We must endure it so that we become the best version of ourselves. As for your son, you are very lucky that he has disclosed what drove him into drugs. Sometimes when we fight as parents we are never mindful of our children and their emotions. Children also have feelings just like adults. This is something we like overlooking as adults. It is because the divorce left a void in him which he is using drugs to fill up, unfortunately. This should prompt you to arrange for counselling for your son so that his emotions are dealt with. I would love to assure you that there is still an opportunity to turn things around. I feel that you and his father must apologise to him and open up to him about what evoked the divorce.

The anger towards his father may be that he feels he has failed him. Sometimes breaking up a marriage seemingly speaks to how selfish you are since you carry no thoughts about the children. I believe that you will solve this matter by apologising to him both and taking him for counselling. All the best. #ColoringSouls

Kealeboga Ronald Ngwigwa is a Life Coach, Author, Columnist, Team Builder and an Events Director who believes that emotions build an attitude which ultimately builds one’s character. Forward your enquiries to krcoloringsouls@gmail.com or WhatsApp +26772522213 for advices.