GUILT- AN INNER HOLLOW THAT SWALLOW OUR PEACE

Kealeboga Ngwigwa | Tuesday October 10, 2023 06:00

The biggest problem honestly in our marriage is me. I really do not know what has gotten into me because when I sit back and retrospect, I have no reason to cheat her.

It all started one day when I met a woman client whom we went on a series of lunch meetings together when we were working on a certain deal we were contracted to consult. She is attractive, hour-glass bodied and very cute.

I am not too certain if it’s ideal to say, unfortunately or fortunately, she was also attracted to me. We began our intimate relationship from that moment until she broke the news that she is pregnant. It has been four months now and she demands my attention which is understandable more so that it is her first pregnancy. I feel so much guilt every time I walk into my matrimonial home.

It really crushes my spirit when I see my wife’s commitment to our marriage and the respect my children give me. I wonder if I will ever get to receive such when the truth eventually comes out. I am no longer comfortable being home and it is like I am always on the run. My wife has noticed this change and my continuous panic concerns her. How do I break free from this trouble without losing what I have sweated hard for the past years? Yours, Anonymous

Dear Anonymous, One day, I had an intimate conversation with my father about life and he uttered the words: “In life, the people we believe are our enemies are not really nor the devil is; we are our own enemies”. I did not understand at the time what he meant and it was until I met deep challenges in my life that when I reflected, I realised that it was due to the decisions I made at that particular point and the crises was a fruit of that seed I planted. In your case, you have already messed up what you have sweated hard for the past 13 years. It is unfortunate that she reciprocated and that led to sinister behaviour therefore there was nothing fortunate about that. It was fortunate because it fed your spirit of lust. Should you have thought of it and the repercussions, it would yield and you would have acknowledged the misfortune. You have stained a good thing and the only way out now is honesty. This is the time you need to open up to your wife before anyone else. It is surely going to hurt because she probably thinks you are faithful to her but the impact would not be as hard if she finds out on her own. You must be ready for rejection from your wife or even children. If you do not bridge this situation earlier, your mistress might spill the beans especially if you do not live up to her expectations. Hey, we sincerely pray that there be a spirit of forgiveness in your household. All the best Buddy. #ColoringSouls

Dear Coach, I have been dating this guy for three years now and we really want to build a family together. We are not yet married and I believe that getting married is our ultimate goal. We have been trying to conceive a baby for as long as I can remember. I have had all sorts of medical help but our efforts really hit blanks. This was until a point where we decided not to use protection at all hoping that one day God will hear our prayers. During mid-winter, we went on a business trip with my colleagues and when we got there, we did our business and later that evening we hosted a busy party. I got too drunk and ended up under the covers with one of my male colleagues and it all happened.

I got to realise that we did not use any protection either since we were both drunk. After a good two months, I noticed that I had missed my periods and went for a pregnancy test which reported positive. My boyfriend is so happy and over the moon because he thinks our prayers have been answered. I have been crying because the procreator is denying the responsibility and the not-father is buying endless gifts. I want to tell him that the baby is not his and at the same time I do not want to lose him. It was never part of my plan to cheat and it happened when I was not sane enough. What would you advise me to do Coach? Yours, Anonymous

Dear Anonymous, Afore and above all, congratulation on your pregnancy. I hope you will have a smooth delivery. I can imagine how torturing it could be for you to be receiving the love you feel you are not worth. It is because you are human and it is ought to be like that especially when you are feeling guilty of some action. In your case, falling pregnant out of the jurisdiction. It is normal but it is a condition you must avoid as much as you possibly can for the sake of the developing baby.

It will be good if you request a DNA test from the colleague you interacted with. If it turns out positive, the only way out will be to speak out the truth and seek apology from your partner. I will also encourage your partner to go seek medical attention as well because it could be assumed that the problem lies with him. We must be honest with our partners so that we curb guilt in our lives. Kealeboga Ronald Ngwigwa is the Founder and Director of Coloring Souls Coaching. A company advocating MINDSET CHANGE. For team building exercise bookings contact +267 72 522 213/ +267 71 830 584 or email krcoloringsouls@gmail.com for quotations.