INK SPILLS

Thulaganyo Jankey | Wednesday September 25, 2024 13:37

And let's not forget the landlords, who apparently have turned into neck-breathing dragons when the rent's overdue. And somehow you are the solution of all these morasses. My wallet has become a superhero of sorts to save the day of a bewildered broke friends! It's not just full of receipts, it's a treasure trove of solutions! My wallet is not just a sidekick in my pocket, it's the hero I never knew my friends so need!

Granted, in these challenging economic times, it seems that banks have turned to hoarding their gold and breathing fire at anyone who dares ask for a loan. Meanwhile, the townsfolk have been left to navigate the treacherous waters of loan sharks, Machonisa, where the interest rates bite harder than the sharks themselves. But many have exhausted their chances with Machonisas and the latter seems to have compiled a list of serial defaulters.

The enthusiastic borrower turns elusive when payback time rolls around. It's as if they've attended a masterclass in the art of disappearance, rivaling even the local councilor after winning an election. One day, they're knocking on your door with the eagerness of a kid in a sweet shop, and the next, they're blending into the background like a chameleon, with a skill set that includes avoiding calls, texts and even forgetting the way to your house. It's a mysterious phenomenon indeed, almost worthy of its own scientific study: ‘The Borrower's Black Hole: Where Money and Memory Vanish Without a Trace.’

Mastering the art of repelling unwanted advances is indeed a high-level skill, akin to learning the secret handshake of an exclusive club or mastering the ancient art of telepathy. It's not just about saying 'no', it's about saying 'no' with the finesse of a diplomat and the firmness of a seasoned bouncer. A masterclass on this topic would not only carry more clout but also provide the kind of strategic depth that 'An Idiot’s Guide' might gloss over. That's the promise of such a masterclass – turning the clumsy 'duck and cover' into an elegant 'dance and proceed'.

Saying no to people who want to borrow money can be as tricky as teaching a cat to swim – it's all about balance and timing. First, you might try the classic ‘I'm on a financial diet’ approach. It's like saying you're allergic to lending money – it's not you, it's your wallet! Or, you could go with the honest route and say, ‘My 'yes' is broken today,’ followed by a change of topic so swift, it would make a ninja proud. And if all else fails, channel your inner superhero and say, ‘This looks like a job for... not me!’ Remember, it's important to be firm but polite – you're not a bank, after all, and even banks have opening and closing times!

Make it clear that your wallet isn't an all-you-can-grab buffet. You can say something like, ‘I'd love to help, but my bank account is practising social distancing from everyone right now’. Keep it short and sweet, like a tweet from a bird that's in a hurry. And remember, no need to weave a tale longer than a donkey's tail; a simple ‘I'm not in a position to lend money’ will do. If they push, just channel your inner broken record and repeat your polite refusal. It's like telling a persistent cat that the fishbowl isn't for swimming – eventually, they'll get the hint. It's all about setting those boundaries before someone builds a hotel on your last nerve!

Thulaganyo Jankey is a Rapporteur and training consultant who runs his own training consultancy that provides training in BQA- accredited courses. His other services include registering consultancies with BQA and developing training courses. Contact him on 74447920 or email ultimaxtraining@gmail.com