Brand New MPs and Ministers

Thulaganyo Jankey | Tuesday November 26, 2024 12:07

Many of us remember our first date with a tinge of embarrassment. For a good number of us we experienced that classic 'whoops' moment of accidentally knocking over your drink and drenching your date's new outfit.

What are the challenges of assuming office as a new MP or minister? For a lot of ministers there’s the small matter of dog allowance which many might have to ponder over. If you have a dog, fine, you are smiling all the way to the bank because the dog allowance is a staggering P8000. If you don’t own one you might well have to get one. Otherwise your spouse will start questioning his or her choices. ‘What kind of man/woman doesn’t want to own a dog when that comes with a nice little stash of dough’ could become a popular refrain in your house. Owning a dog, however, is no small job. Dogs for one are trained thieves so stuff like socks, shoes, underwear will mysteriously disappear in your house. Dogs also think they are part owners of the house. So if you want to onboard the P8k train just brave it up and get one.

Then there’s the office politics that are a whole project on their own. You walk into your new office, ready to conquer the world, only to find out you've joined a menagerie of peculiar characters. There's the office gossip, the perpetual complainer, the know-it-all, and the person who insists on sharing way too many personal details. For an MP this also comes with people trying to endear themselves to the MP and trying to overtake sliced bread in the Best Thing Stakes. As Christmas approaches the new MP might well receive a generic mug with his/her name misspelled from this type of character. I experienced this in my previous job when an overzealous subordinate trying to impress her new boss bought a mug with a big heart written ‘Junkie’. Now everyone knows my name is Jankey and misspelling it like that brings all sorts of connotations – like I have a whole Columbia up my nostrils. I used it for a week and got all sorts of stares from my new colleagues. I then decided to sneak it out of the office and find a quiet spot and break it into 56234 pieces - which is a lot of pieces.

There’s also the usual MPs jargon. In the last parliament there was too much confusion perhaps because the orientation was not rigorous enough. There were situations where an MP will call for a point of order and then tell the house that her gender is female when the house is discussing the effects of the war in Ukraine. So the jargon which is usually from a very tiny Parliament Dictionary contains just a few phrases being

· Point of order

· Clarification

The parliament dictionary is the smallest dictionary known to mankind but newbees blur the lines very often.

Of course some MPs might have to sanitise their industrial language to the right level of decorum – a feat very difficult for some with depleted decorum bundles. Remember, every new job has its challenges, but with a little humor and a lot of patience, you'll soon become a seasoned MP.

(For comments, feedback and insults email inkspills1969@gmail.com)

Thulaganyo Jankey is a Rapporteur and training consultant who runs his own training consultancy that provides training in BQA- accredited courses. His other services include registering consultancies with BQA and developing training courses. Contact him on 74447920 or email ultimaxtraining@gmail.com