From Ricoffy To Cappuccino: New Tandabala Vibes

Thuli Jankey | Wednesday April 23, 2025 15:39

Yes, the old age pension has been pushed up by close to 70% increase. Nowhere in the world do people get that kind of increase unless they are politicians. A whopping 70%! I hope my Math is right. Expecting people to stay the same after getting more money? That's like expecting a mouse to ignore a slab of cheese—it’s just not happening. Suddenly, ordinary folks become ‘experts’ on luxury living. The granny who used to say, ‘Why pay for coffee when I can make it at home?’ is now lounging in a café sipping a P60 cappuccino, while posting selfies with captions like, ‘Life’s too short for bad vibes and cheap coffee.’ Yes, money changes people – even retirees. The country now feels like an auction house, with retirees one-upping each other on how they'll spend their ‘fortune’. ‘I'm buying a car!’ one would say. ‘Oh, I’m getting two cars—and a golden trailer!’ another one would reply.

Meanwhile, the usually frugal retiree would announce, ‘I’m finally upgrading from boxed alcohol to the canned type!’ The golden years just got a whole lot more competitive. The pension is so generous; some elderly folks are considering starting their own businesses. I hear 'Granny's Wrinkled Wisdom Wares’ is about to become the next big thing in the SMME landscape. With this extra cash, expect a surge attendance and a fierce competition for the grandstand tickets at Zebras matches. Don’t rule out a rush of seniors at the electronics store, each shouting, ‘I finally want a flat-screen TV bigger than my cataracts! You can also expect the phrase 'it's on me' to take on a whole new, terrifyingly expensive meaning. Retirees’ staple food consists of starch, protein and vegetables. That is if you are lucky to get wrinkled, about-to-go-bad vegetables here in Botswana – a country now suffering from a severe shortage of vegetables. Now, it could turn out to be a buffet with dishes they can't even pronounce with tiny little flags on toothpicks. Phrases that have long been flushed out of their lexicon like ‘keep change’ have suddenly and quickly made their way back. There is a downside to this though. Suddenly, every relative you've ever met is showing up for 'tea and biscuits' with a suspiciously keen interest in your retiree's financial well-being.

Suddenly, every grandchild is an expert at fetching things and offering unsolicited tech support. Retirees have become a very important demographic and in a challenged economy like ours many are trying to patch up strained relationships courtesy of the increased old age pension. And of course the emergence of instant relatives who usually pop out wherever there’s an individual who has come into some type of money. The wayward son who hardly ever calls. The younger sibling whose clock is ticking too slowly to 65 years. All are now calling the retiree! The retirees’ Sedilame gadgets are now choking under the constant barrage of calls and SMSs. (For comments, feedback and insults email inkspills1969@gmail.com) Thulaganyo Jankey is a Rapporteur and training consultant who runs his own training consultancy that provides training in BQA- accredited courses. His other services include registering consultancies with BQA and developing training courses. Contact him on 74447920 or email ultimaxtraining@gmail.com