Finally, I'm going home

Bame Piet | Thursday December 12, 2013 18:08

At that time I was so broke, everyone of my cousins passed dirty remarks at me, the most irritating being that I am stingy. They had hoped that I will make huge contribution for the burial of our granny.

They had hoped that I will be buying everybody their preferred drinks. Little did they know that I had defaulted payment for my rented one-roomed house at Extension 27.

Sometimes I hate going home. I can't stand the site of my nephews and nieces atleast 12 in number, if I remember very well. Everytime I'm home, their three mothers demand that I buy relish or risk going to bed hungry, yet such conditions do not apply on their boyfriends.

This has created a serious animosity between us. I always try to send them money during the year but there is no improvement. What surprises me is that mom never intervenes on these things, despite her also enjoying a share from me.

The sisters won't even wash my shirt, or pair of trousers unless I throw a dime at them. They are also against my better half coming with me home.

And then there is Uncle Sporo, a self-taught mechanic who doesn't mind knocking on my door at Six in the morning to say hi! He has abandoned the career. He is also very patient and would wait for me to bath and eat soft porridge, if there is any.

Then he would make this plea - that I give him a piece job or some money for a cigarette in the absence of the former. Uncle Sporo is very strategic, he never completes any piece job I give him but always demands payment.

Once I produce the coins for a cigarette he asks for more coin for mbamba - you know sorghum nectar? With fury, which I can't show or display to my Uncle, I always comply with his demands. Sporo will say I accompany him halfway to Mma Tefo's depot. He is a very soft speaker with all sorts of stories ranging from the time when I was a toddler until the last telephone conversation we had.

This is how Uncle Sporo's strategy works: Upon reaching Mma Tefo's, he buys himself a cigarette, grabs a bench and demands that I buy him the mbamba. He will talk of how I have been in the diaspora and how he missed me. Hoping that it will only be myself and Sporo I normally buy two and we sit down under a tree. 

Since our village is so small, and everybody knows the other, Mma Tefo, and her daughters extend their greetings to me. They are all asking where I have been. They all congratulate me on my newly acquired complexion.

Then comes Tsitsiri, one of my many cousins who has not been lucky enough to get a job and he is in his early thirties. Everytime we meet he asks for a piece job or some coins for a cigarette. His competition for my attention with Sporo has recently turned nasty and they no longer talk to each other.

Sporo behaves like he is entitled to my attention and therefore Tsitsiri is intruding into his territory, and the two no longer exchange of greetings despite Tsitsiri being younger.

Looks like Mma Tefo's is a busy place and more guys are flowing in. Being the strategist that he is, Uncle Sporo then asks for time from anybody who cares. When it is 3pm, he will normally demand that we change places. He never bothers whether or not there were any plans to spend the whole day away from home.

Uncle Sporo is very manipulative. Looking at my wallet, I have lost P100 since morning, and am left with another P100 note and a few coins. Sporo makes another demand that I buy him a quart when we reach our destination. I enjoy quarts for a while with new faces before Uncle Sporo reappears and whispers to my ear that he feels like inhaling a cigarette or something. Well, knowing him, and pretty sure that he would not oblige or give up on this demand, I produce a few more coins, which I hand to him. Immediately he is out of site and enjoying a loud conversation with his friends outside.

Well, it is clear now that the two of us are not going to go separate ways anytime soon. I look at my watch it says 1030pm but Sporo is still going strong and now enjoying talking to everybody, and introducing me to many more new faces. The place is now crowded and everybody busy enjoying themselves.

Sporo re-appears and demands that I buy him chips and Russian. I don't know what to do except to comply. Whatever happened later is history.

Then I hear a knock on my door. I can't remember how I got home. I struggle to get out of my bed to attend to whoever it is on the other side of the door. Upon opening the door, I find Sporo smiling at me with a half empty quart. 'So how did you go last night?' Sporo asks.

I can see his mission is not very different from the previous day. He keeps himself busy playing with my nieces and chatting with their mothers. My wallet is empty this time. Sporo won't go away before I give him a piece job.

With all this, I am having second thoughts on whether or not I should go home for this festive.