On The Flipside

Revenge isn't so sweet

In a recently released statement, Gender Links Botswana has noted that there's a disturbingly growing trend of women resorting to scalding their lovers with boiling water or cooking oil in a fit of rage, perhaps owing to infidelity or being abruptly dumped. 

Late last year, a local tabloid carried a horrific front page story of a man whose jilted lover poured hot cooking oil over him, leaving him with partial-thickness/second-degree burns. The man, who was photographed from his hospital bed, looked like he could be dubbed Kentucky Fried Cheater (KFC). The reported story is that this man had two lovers. The one lady was probably a regte (steady partner), while the other was clearly a makhapweni (concubine). This man chose to marry the former, his long-term girlfriend. This didn't go down well with the latter, the 'side-chick' who had been with him for several years. In a clearly well-orchestrated plan, the jilted lover called the man to her house under the pretext that she needed his assistance. When he arrived, she seduced him. As you know, most men are 'weak' - show a bit of flesh, tease, nibble and wiggle, and you've got him eating out of the palm of your hand. While the unsuspecting man was still enjoying what he thought was the prelude to satisfying his lust, the incensed lady excused herself only to return carrying a pot of boiling cooking oil. According to the victim, she aimed at his private parts but she missed and instead burnt his face and upper body. He was left writhing and wailing like a wounded animal. Indeed, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned! 

Although it would be easy to say it serves the two-timing douche bag right, what did the woman benefit? 

She made the Devil proud that's for sure, but fact remains that he married another woman, not her. That man had probably noticed her evil nature throughout their courtship, which is why he chose to only keep her as an 'itch-that-needs-a-bitch-reliever.' She's bad news. Given the chance, she would probably chop off your ears and fingers and serve them as relish to your family. Who would marry such a high-strung and emotionally/mentally unstable person? The 'satisfaction' she derived is bound to disappear over time (that's if she has a conscience). Instead, she is probably going to languish in jail. She might also struggle to find a new lover, as she'll now be known as 'the-lady-who-poured-boiling-oil-over-her-ex'.  She'll then become one of those sad, sexually-starved women who don't have intimate men in their lives. 

Most women have a psycho-element, but some take it to the extremes. I won't pretend to be a goody-two-shoes; I would probably see red if some dude took me for a ride and tumble over him like a ton of bricks with verbal ammunition, but doubt I would resort to physical harm. It's not in my nature. I also don't have the guts. Besides, it's plain dodgy. I whole-heartedly believe in Karma. 

It's odd when two people who once professed to be in love suddenly become sworn 'enemies' when relations sour, breeding animosity, resentment and bitterness. A mature, emotionally intelligent individual is likely to be civil towards their exes. Immature folk on the other hand, tend to badmouth their exes/spread malicious rumours, exhibit bitterness or habour vengeance to hurt their exes, or frustrate their efforts of being happy with a new beau. I'm reminded of my partner's one ex-lover who gave 'madness' a whole new definition. Exhibit X, as I'll refer to her, made it her preoccupation to hurl unprintable obscenities whenever she saw him and if we were together, she would insult me too. On a certain occasion she punctured the poor guy's tyres and scratched his car. I'm talking about a grown ass woman, not some snotty post-puberty youngster. Probably though, she eventually realized that she was playing a losing game. After observing her behaviour, I realized why this man had left her...

The end of any relationship may be a bitter pill to swallow.  Sometimes it has nothing to do with love, but fragile egos. We all get upset, disappointed, and yes, break-ups do hurt but it's better to lick your wounds, introspect and move on. Acting nasty makes you appear silly. Why not direct your time and energy towards getting a better man/woman? It's often better to let things go. That English saying about there being many fish in the sea is true. 'Revenge' isn't so sweet. Ke ne ka kgalema, thata!