�Ko mantlwaneng I wanted to play daddy but with another daddy�
Sharon Mathala | Friday November 21, 2014 12:27
When most children reach puberty stage, they struggle with all changes they come across, be it body changes, mood swings, or just struggling to fit in with peers. For 22-year-old Bachidzi Seamus Kwele, at the time he was grappling with the fact that he was “catching feelings” for other boys.
“Why would I choose to be gay when I know it is not accepted in our society?” he shrugs his shoulders, as he protests rhetorically at times sounding like he was soliloquizing.
”It is not a choice I woke up to make just like I get up everyday and choose what to wear!”
The law student grew up in Mathangwane, about 25km from the second capital Francistown. As far back as when he was about 10 years old, he could sense he was different but could not put a finger to the problem, as he was too young to define exactly what he was feeling.
“I did not have it in me. At school we would have the boys crew and the girls crew, but I did not fit in well with the boys crew even though I played the so-called boys games. I just preferred not to talk about who the hottest girl was, ” he says.
Wearing his tight blue shorts and a shirt, Kwele candidly says that when the rest of the kids wanted to play Mantlwane, he would want to be daddy, but playing along with another daddy instead of the “normal mommy and daddy situation”.
“At instances where we would play Mantlwane, in our time it was one of the favourite games that we would play. I wanted to play daddy but with another daddy, which was often not possible, and this confused me a lot at the time.”
He says that he grew up in a nuclear family, a normal Tswana set-up with his brothers and sisters. Kwele says that growing up, he was more interested in what the girl child was known to be doing.
“I liked cleaning, cooking. I was particular about my body, toiletry and fashion, but still at that point it was all innocent.”
Kwele says that it was up until senior school when the going got tough. He explains that when he got to senior school he had been dating a girl; he says they dated for over a year but he still felt something was missing.
“ I cannot explain the feeling. I did date a girl once in my life. We were both waiting for our Form 3 results. We dated until our end of Form 4,” he says. For most of his senior school Kwele says he dreaded going to school, as at times other students would pick on him on why he was not manly enough and would often call him names.
He relates to Mmegi that this was the most difficult period of his life because whilst he was fighting with the fact that he was different, having other kids mock him was even more demanding. He says that he had his first “real relationship” after completing his Form 5 with a guy he is still dating to date.
“I do not see myself with another woman, I mean for starters, I would not know where to touch her, and where to begin. As for my own family, well in future my partner and I will invest in a surrogate mother, “ he says.
For most homosexuals, it is coming out that has proven quite a daunting task and for Kwele his mother proved an insurmountable obstacle. This is despite the fact that he was always different from his brother and it had been obvious to his folks that he was different.
The openly gay fellow says that it was through a newspaper article that had covered a story on gay men who had married in South Africa, that he gained courage to confront his mother about his preferred life.
He relates how he went to buy the newspaper which carried the story in the company of his mother and aunt and the article triggered a debate on the issue of gay marriage among the trio.
“ I was always close to my Aunt and she was the first person I told and we schemed on the way in which we could tell mother after the newspaper article. I remember it was the new year’s eve of 2013; I got really drunk and just buttered it out to her.
“ I have not really come across any form of discrimination in my lifetime. I think the only thing is that when people look at the way you are dressed and conclude that you may be gay, they start hurling insults and calling you nasty names but it is very minimal really,” he says.