Things that go bump in the night � Part Two
Keletso Thobega | Tuesday March 31, 2015 10:53
These ones appear coy but are probably the dodgiest, because they come across as other revelers and look attractive in their funky hairstyles, painted lips and fashionable garb.
Easy targets are men, especially those who love women, and salivate after every woman they see. Such kind of men also fall in love very quickly, that he can meet a lady and soon he’s calling her ‘baby’ or ‘sweety’.
The most dangerous animal in the world is a smiling woman sitting in silence. The kind of woman who seems to be too good to be true - a composed and calm woman who agrees to anything, even to go home with a stranger!
Contrary to common perception, most women like money more than men or sex. So while these men are watching the exposed belly buttons, toned stomachs, jiggling buttocks and thunder thighs trembling in twerk pants or beneath altezza dresses, imagining the sight of the nude figure, the ladies are thinking about their new hairstyle or even the bricks and window frame she needs to complete the two-and-a-half she’s building.
Many of these ladies trade by common names, which are equally easy to forget, like ‘Lebo’, ‘Lala’, ‘Lolo’, ‘Tsitsi’, ‘Amo’, ‘Thato,’ etc.
They are not like their cheaper counterparts who can be bought with a few beers. The latter’s casualness and generosity is an insult to the ladies who are expert at their “craft” and don’t play games with men.
When the clock strikes towards closing time, the DJ in his sweaty state, head shaking like crazy, will intensify the tempo by playing a popular song. That song could be ‘Ytjukutja’. By now, there’s a lot of staggering, bumping into one another, slurring and mindless laughter.
Everyone sees themselves as aerobatic dancers, pulling odd moves and jives. Even men with huge beer bellies the hard ones, that make a man look like he’s on the verge of giving birth, will try to dance, but the only thing jiggling will be the protruding belly that seems to have a life of its own, growth ambitions and all.
Sometimes the lady in his company will stroke or pat it lovingly, and whisper sweet-nothings in his ear. Lust and the golden liquids are a terrible combination. A man can pick up a girl he wouldn’t look at twice in a sober state during the day, and unfortunately it could be the type who after a romp, the man wakes up to find his wallet empty with the lady nowhere to be seen like the “ghost” he thought she was.
I am reminded of an incident that apparently happened to a certain gentleman who liked the high-life, bokwete-nyana bo bosuleng. He had taken out a top-up loan of about P40 000 and atypical of some Batswana men who get tjatjarag once they have money, he set off to his favourite bar.
He arrived walking with a spring his step and he moved about the bar like a rich tender boy, shaking hands, slapping backs, laughing with his mouth so wide open that others could his back tongue, and flirting with pretty girls. He deviated from his usual cheap beer quarts and ordered expensive whiskies. Soon he had two lasses by his side. He would call out for a round and open his wallet to pay, in full view of the ladies.
By the end of the night, the ladies were stuck on him like lice on dirty dreadlocks. The man felt “big” as he left with his arms around them.
The next morning he woke up in a strange room with little recollection of what had transpired to lead him there! He was naked expect for the sock on his left foot, and a condom on his member. His clothes and wallet were gone! He ran out of the room onto the street towards a group of men chatting by the roadside. He looked at one of them and exclaimed: ‘Mongamme nthusa, ba tsere sengwe le sengwe ba ntlogetse ka sekausu!’
The men stifled laughter as they stared at the condom still hanging from his you-know-what. He was probably referring to the sekausu on his foot, as in sock, but the rubber exposed his dodgy dealings…