. Read that again. Nowhere did I mention any sort of pill so before you start thinking this column is a birth control workshop sorry to disappoint you. This remains a column laced with silliness and a dash of humor. No, there's no way I'm going to contribute to slowing the growth of the population of a country where investors are snorting at our invitation to invest here because of low population figures. In fact one cynic once said they cannot set up business here because we're outnumbered by goats. Goats as everyone knows are not known to buy anything. So you get the point.
My missive is about what happens to an election candidate after losing an election. I once participated in an election in my ward to be a treasurer of a Neighbourhood Watch Committee. My neighbours decided they could not trust me with their money only because I was frequently visited by a guy who drove a delivery van for a furniture store. It's always a bit awkward when you're mistaken for a bad debtor. It's like showing up at a party wearing jeans only to realize it's a black-tie event. You're the one sticking out like a sore thumb, or in this case, like a ten pula bill among credit cards. Truth is, I was not actually a bad debtor, just the star of a financial misunderstanding comedy! Admittedly my motive for contesting was not totally innocent. There was massive rigging and I lost 5-3. This was years ago before the advent of Madibelatlhopo so I was basically on my own. So in terms of losing elections I know exactly what I'm talking about.
The morning after losing an election can feel like waking up with a political hangover. There's no magic cure, but the usual routine involves a strong cup of concession speech, a dash of reflection, and a hefty serving of "what do we do now?" breakfast meetings. The defeated candidate might spend some time flipping through their mental directory, considering which political bridges are still standing and which ones became kindling during the campaign. Candidates might find themselves sifting through the remnants of the previous night's optimism, now just a colorful reminder of what could have been. It's a time for concession speeches that are part pep talk, part group therapy and entirely not what they practiced in the mirror. They might spend the day returning congratulatory balloons that were delivered prematurely. There might be an argument regarding payment for the ‘I Won The Election’ tees. After all why pay for something that you are not going to use. Also at that point the funds are depleted to below reserve tank.
There’s the awkward post-election brunch, where the menu features humble pie and reflective thoughts, served with a side of 'what do we do next?' It's a day of introspection. When people lose elections they develop a batch of phrases like
‘Back to the drawing board’
‘I guess the people have spoken and they said ‘next time buddy!’
‘Well, I always wanted to spend more time with my family and now I can!’
‘I guess the voters decided to swipe left on me.’
Yes, election losses trigger up the philosophical molecules in one’s brain.
It's also a time for the team to bond over shared experiences and gain closure. Who knows, maybe one could start a podcast, 'Tales from the Trail', or write a book, 'How to Lose an Election and Win at Life'. You might have been pummeled with a gargantuan margin but the thing to say is ‘We fought a good fight’. You don’t even have to believe it.
Then there’s also the election campaign team who are now like some sort of faecal irritant. You now have to break what was essentially a feeding camp for the group that camped in your house and call in the janitor to vacuum clean your sofas and get your home back. Your wife who now wears a permanent scowl because of the huge financial hole the whole campaign has created becomes another bridge that has to be rebuilt. Political campaigns sure know how to burn through cash faster than a rocket on its way to Mars! It's like they're competing to see who can dig the biggest financial crater. The free-loaders must leave your house in peace. And also at this point after losing one wonders who really voted for them amongst this lot.
But fear not, for every political sunset is just a prelude to another campaign sunrise, or at least a book deal or a stint on the podcast circuit. After all, in politics, the only thing more certain than taxes is the comeback story waiting around the corner. So, chin up, defeated candidates; your political journey might just be on a short 5 year detour! In the end, life goes on, and so does the work of democracy.
(For comments, feedback and insults email [email protected])
Thulaganyo Jankey is a Rapporteur and training consultant who runs his own training consultancy that provides training in BQA- accredited courses. His other services include registering consultancies with BQA and developing training courses. Contact him on 74447920 or email [email protected]
