My siblings and I have moved out of my father’s yard since we feel very betrayed by this latest development. Our last born has just completed her form five (5) about last year and the half- sibling has also completed his form three (3) which means that he is now our last born. We find this very filthy despite that he is our father because it is proof that he is not faithful to his marriage.
We feel so bad for our mother since she must bear and live with this pain. My mother, I know, she is trying to be strong and save her marriage hence had agreed that the young boy visit us during the school closure. We have never been I formed about him, the visit and everything surrounding this matter but we often host family meetings to mitigate our challenges together but the young boy just popped out of nowhere and we were introduced to him. The expectation, I guess I was that we accept things the way they are but unfortunately we are not willing to do that. Whenever we think or see him, it reminds us of the trust that our father has broken.
How do we deal with this kind of matter since it has really disturbed peace within our family? Yours, Anonymous Dear Anonymous, I respect your opinion I this matter but according to what you are saying, your mother, who is the key character in the predicament, has accepted the young boy and welcomed him to your homestead.
You feel entitled to be informed about matters in your family but unfortunately you do not have such a privilege. The marriage is bound between your parents, the marriage certificate has their names on it, none of you and your siblings appears on that document. Therefore, it is not everything that you should be privy to.
It is not your nor siblings place to fight this battle, it is for your parents only. Whatever decision they make, you must fully embrace it. The boy is in his rightful place, his father’s place just like you. I hear you made a decision to move out from the house because you cannot withstand the truth and regrettably, that would not change anything but rather make you lose spending quality time with your family. Your father has made a mistake and everyone is not immune to making one.
You can also undergo such a predicament. I would advice that you accept this and make amends with your emotions so that you realise that the DNA running in the young boy’s body also runs on yours and siblings. If you would continue emitting such negative energy you will eventually be looped in witchcraft space due to the lack of peace dominating your life. The young boy has no problem at all, it is not his fault that he is alive so do not punish him for things that are beyond his control. If you want peace to prevail in your lives, accept the situation, forgive those involved and yourself and move on with a positive attitude towards this matter. #ColoringSouls
Dear Coach, I have a twenty- four year old niece who we have been living with since she was three (3) months old. Her mother deserted her then and she began one of ours. We bread and raised her. During her teen years, she really became a problem child since she was living a very dysfunctional life. She would dodge at home at night to go perform some mischievous acts which I believed that were ruining her future. Despite so many engagements with her to counsel and guide her, she has never landed an ear to what we aired to her.
One day after hosting a conversation with her, she continued with her uncalled for behaviour which became a furore and I unintentionally clobbered her. After I beat her with a slap, she dashed to the kitchen and grabbed some two knives and chased after me. I ran for my life and while she was close to me, I obstructed her with a bicycle which I threw at her and she fell. She had released a stab and cut me bad on my arm. I was bleeding heavily after being stabbed. I ran into the house and locked myself inside while she stabbed my car tyres. We then summoned the police who later came and took her to the police station. At the police station, she wanted to apologies but I was very angry and told her that she is dead in my life. From that day, I distanced myself from her. She currently have a boy child whom I had not shared some love with or provided for. My niece was my everything because I treated her like my own daughter. It kills me so much to see us apart and not united like we were. I wish we could rectify all that happened and share the love again but unfortunately I do not know where to start and what to do to put everything on equal footing, what must I do Coach? Yours, Anonymous
Dear Anonymous, Relationships are the fins of our lives, without them, we cannot achieve anything substantial. Family member do fight and it is normal. The most important thing is how to bounce back from such a setback and grow from that incident. When children are going through their teen years, they are very eager to explore different things in life and unlikely turn to experience what their age does not allow. As much as we are being protective of them, we need to understand that our response can either break or build them to be great people. We need to control our anger since it makes us commit to action that we would often regret after performing.
Their behaviours are predicated by our approach. They have emotions just like we; adults. The knife incidents was uncalled for but I would attest that it was an emotion overspill but she wouldn’t want you to die. You must learn to forgive quickly, forgive her and yourself then approach her to apologise for the damage you caused her emotionally.
Once you have spoken, that ball wrapping the disturbed peace will break and you will leave in harmony again. It is better done as soon as possible rather than later because one of you might not be there to receive such uniting apologies. Mistakes are made by us and can only be rectified by us. #ColoringSouls Kealeboga Ronald Ngwigwa is a Life Coach, Author, Columnist, Team Builder and an Events Director who believes that emotions build an attitude which ultimately builds one’s character. Forward your enquiries to [email protected] or WhatsApp +26772522213 for advices.
