I avoided the feelings up until he expressed himself that he had feelings for me and I couldn't avoid him no matter how hard I tried. We ended up in a relationship that's been going on in secret for a while now.
The problem I'm having now Kealeboga is that we're both on the same level at work but I've been up for a promotion for a while now and I feel like the relationship is affecting our work relationship.
I don't know how he's going to cope with me being his boss especially because I know he wanted the position so badly himself. I've thought about breaking it off with him before but I care about him so much. Is there a way you think our relationship might work without being affected by work and vice versa or am I just wasting my time with him? Yours Anonymous
Dear anonymous Your situation is the most easiest yet so difficult to face. Power and love have never sat on the same table simply because the other bears so much pride and ego whereas the other does not. Power carries so much ego and pride while love is very meek, humble and selfless.
Neither any of the choices is wrong but you must give attention to the one that projects so much positive conviction. Power is like mist, it is always there temporarily and no one can change that.
Even the most feared leaders of our time and the past, have been toppled from government either via a coup or electoral system. You are not going to work in that organisation forever, you are either be offered another job elsewhere then what is going to happen? Are you going to seek for some love back? On the other hand, love is beautiful and we all long for it.
My question would be, is what you are feeling not convincing enough to yield a better future for you both? Did you really love the man or else it was just a fling that had settled with the affectionate dust? I would, moreover, advise that you engage with him to access if whether the relationship can withstand the challenges coupled with the new opportunity. You must clear the air and both understand that we can never be awarded blessings at the same time.
This means that his time for promotion will surely come. When understanding crops up, you can both make a very strong and formidable force. All the best in your decision.
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Hello Coach
I'm a married man who's been with my wife for three years now. I cheated on my wife the first years when we met before the marriage and she forgave me. I'm reformed now and have been faithful since. We then went on to get married and have our happy days. The problem I have now is she can't seem to forget the time I cheated. She sometimes gets reminded of it by the smallest things. We've talked about the issue and I've seen she's trying but struggling to get past the time when I cheated. When I did what I did, I didn't know it would cause such a scar to my wife. I don't know what to do to help us move on from the huge mistake that occurred back then. Please help me save my marriage. Yours Anonymous
Dear anonymous
There is a saying that "once bitten, twice shy." It talks about our experiences and how they tame our future. There is a huge scar that one gets especially if they have been cheated on. It is sad that we all differ on how we handle mental challenging circumstances, some people have a growth mindset that allow for them to use the past experiences as learning modules to become better and better. You have tempered with her trust and trust is like a mirror. If you break it and attempt to fix it, there will always be a crack that shows that it was once broken. The best thing you could do is to be on your best behaviour so that you eliminate every suspicion that could be fiddling with her mind.
It is until she has nothing to suspect, she would stop having negative thoughts. She must also get counselling so that she grows over an incident that occurred so many years ago. Start being romantic if you have not been. Otherwise, you are the only person adequate to change her thought line through how you treat her and the relationship in general. All the best Mate.
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*Kealeboga Ronald Ngwigwa is the Founder and Director of Coloring Souls Coaching. A company advocating for MIND-SET CHANGE. For team building exercise bookings contact +267 72 522 213/ +267 71 830 584 or email [email protected] for quotations.
