The quiet resilience and integrity that my father displayed all through his life, sometimes to his detriment, specifically because he would not compromise his morals, became an inspiration and eventually a template for me.
It was baffling at first seeing the man who was instrumental in vital ways to many projects, private or government, never stepping forward to claim any of the glory.
Rara was a man who made rising to the challenge standard operating procedure. If it is possible to continually set the bar high just by being yourself, this man was the mould, one that should never be broken.
I struggled for a long time with the knowledge that he was part of the continuation of an incredible legacy by any global standard or measure, that being Kgosi Tshekedi Khama. In many instances I could see what I thought was the hand of my illustrious grandfather in what my father achieved, did or said. He looked to be holding up that legacy incredibly well. The realisation that I was the next chain in the link grew into an irrational fear for a short moment in my misspent youth.
When I stop marvelling at what Rara might have meant in an old conversation, or finally understand the motivations behind some of his decisions or actions, I think I still wonder how in the fresh hell did I end up with this parent. This needed to be emphasised because in my mind, I preferred to think of him as a friend, a ride or die in fact, something that our culture often presents as ill-advised between parent and child. I learnt to appreciate that my father was from a different time, a time when children had an interlocutor between them and their father.
The peace in his eyes became the metronome to which I began to get closer to Rara, this was where the truth about his feelings lived. This meant we had many moments of unspoken communication, or minimal and efficient engagements about life, love, the past or the future and so on.
Honestly, minimalistic communication is not the way to be in modern life, as my wife will attest and valiantly struggles with because of me. Towards the end of his life, being able to read his eyes, kept me sane in very tough situations. This was when I tapped into his way of being, let people talk, let them express themselves. Try not to judge, as we all walk a different path. Help when you can and learn not to be too emotionally invested in everything you get involved in. Save that power for the really important things in your life. If you are going to do it, mean it.
I am only noticing now that I did not speak of him as a separate entity, but part of our shared journey to the inevitable painful crossroads when a parent and child have to part ways. Although I privately considered Rara a curiosity wrapped in an enigma, and neatly tied up with an elegant bow of integrity, he was also a beacon, a reminder, and an evolving map to the life I will now be leading. Continuing the service and responsibility we inherit at birth in our family.
Sekgoma Tshekedi Khama, was born 16 June 1941 to Tshekedi and Ella Khama in Serowe. His early school years were in Serowe, the capital of Gamangwato. He, however, soon went out into the great wide world, and brought it all back with him, to share with his countrymen of every stripe. It will be a tough act to follow, however, tough is when we have always gotten going.
Re ta kopana kopele Phuti. Robala ka kagiso.
